i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
