you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ketchup is God's man juice
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And then he peed in my hair
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