I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
