Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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