I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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