Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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