i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need water and some morals
Randomize
