Apparently you make a good broom.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
