We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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