Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
