My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
