Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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