I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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