Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
