The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
