i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
