sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
