i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
