I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
