Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
