My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
