Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
