Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
