I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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