I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
