A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
