My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
