My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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