I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
