Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
