I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
