dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
