This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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