i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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