My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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