Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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