Soap is not a condiment
i barfeds in our rink
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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