yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
