There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
