is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
