I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
