Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
