If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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