dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
