Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
