last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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