If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
