If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
