Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
