How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
