I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
