Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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