Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
