Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
