Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i now understand why vodka
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
