I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
