it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
