Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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