You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
