so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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