So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would ride that face into the sunset
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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